Changing my expectations

So first off, let me start off by saying that we ended up not keeping the foster kitten, Gigi. Initially, we were very serious about making her a permanent addition to our home. However, it turned out that she was becoming more difficult to train (i.e. out of hand play biting) and we just didn't think it would be fair for us or her to keep her because we didn't have the time in our lives to properly train her. I think at this point in our lives, as selfish as it sounds (and indeed it is very selfish, but honest at least) we just don't have the time to devote to constantly playing with the kitten as well as training her like we would like to.

On a positive note, we did find out that the boyfriend (who had never had prior exposure to kittens or animals for that matter) would definitely be open to any furry additions down the line. Just not now.

Anyhow, as the second year is fast approaching and my summer is speeding away, I'm beginning to feel the nervousness that had entered my stomach and mind the days leading up to 1st year. I've been preparing for this moment all summer - telling myself that I can't do what I did last year. I can't drive myself to the ground in memorization. Instead, I told myself I'm going to learn as much as I can and really try to understand the material. Over the summer, as I shadowed my GOAL-E mentor, an internal medicine specialist, I discovered how much I didn't know. Yes, I'm not supposed to know as much as they do, but I just felt completely empty in the head - as if I were starting from square one. It actually seemed like I never experienced first year. But I know that everything will come in time and that I did learn a lot. This term, my goal is sit up in the front, absorb as much as I can, and really try to retain things and understand it all.

My boyfriend and I struggle, I think, with trying to be the best and trying to chase after success, but in the end, what matters is that you're enjoying the moment and the journey. Otherwise, I think when we try to define our lives by the end point and our expectations of how things will turn out, we're going to be sorely disappointed. I can't spend 2nd year expecting perfect grades because that will only lead me down the path of disappointment. Not to mention that perfect grades are not synonymous with knowledge and being a good vet. I'm going to make a conscious effort to enjoy the fact that I worked my ass off to get here to this point and that I should be happy that I've made it this far. The boyfriend always reminds me that I spent 3+ years just to even apply to vet school (not even knowing if I would get in or not), but I did get accepted (and to an awesome school); and I need to credit myself for that in addition to enjoying the success I've had thus far and will continue to have. I want to be the best veterinarian I can be all the while finding joy in every day that I am pursuing this dream.